To Beat or Not To Beat

Momsie,
The other day, one of the girls accidentally broke something (I can't remember what) and she asked, 

"Won't you smack me?". 
"Why should I smack you?", I asked.
"Because I broke it", she simply said.

My heart broke into many pieces. Since when did my daughter start expecting me to smack her for every wrong doing? I try as much as possible not to smack them and when I do, I make sure I explain why. But after that incidence, I started questioning the use of force (that's the way I see it) in correcting children. Back in them days, it was a normal thing to smack (putting it mildly) a child. I mean we used to boast (and we still do) about whose mother was stricter. We take pride in the fact that our mothers never spared the rod. Many of us (even if it is not true) think we turned out better because of the fear of our mothers' rods.

These days, I don't think that method will work. The children of these generation are more intelligent than we were (no apology to people of my generation). Some of them come out of the womb with wisdom far beyond their years. When I argue with my daughter (sometimes I allow her to plead her cause or is it case), I'm amazed at the fact that I'm talking to a 4 soon to be 5 yr old because the manner in which she presents her case belies the fact that she is that young. And I have met other kids like that. After raising my voice at her sometimes to do something I want her to do, the look on her face tells me she is just giving in because she has no choice. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

My daughter is teaching me daily that I can't afford to guess at this job of parenting or depend on the good old methods. I had to call someone whose judgement I trust a great deal to recommend books on parenting. I will forever be grateful for the book - Jesus on Parenting by Dr. Teresa Whitehurst. The book teaches parenting by drawing inferences from Jesus' lifestyle and teachings. Just thought I should mention that for the sake of parents who need direction like me.

Anyway, I have decided to leave the rod until when it is absolutely necessary especially where my first child is concerned. Now I just try to be the kind of person I want them to be leading by example and I also reason with them (Not in all cases, believe me there are times when you just have to bark out orders and explain later). Most importantly I'm studying my children, knowing what method best works for each child and when to apply it with the help of God of course. I don't think there is a one method fits all approach.

I talk to them and hope they understand even though I doubt there power of comprehension. But Samuel's mother must have taught him some things at that tender age to make him different from Eli's children regardless of the calling. Moses' mother also must have said a lot to him while she was his nurse to fan that hunger in his heart to be with his people. Words are powerful, before resorting to force, why not try using words (this requires patience).

Parenting is a broad and dynamic topic and I can't even begin to scratch the surface in this short note but I am committed to getting it right as a parent and I'll seek help from the right places (the Bible and other works of trusted fellow believers). 

But I must say this, you raised me well and since you didn't fail where I was concerned, there is hope that I will succeed as a parent.

With loving memories,
Deeso Mama.

Never Again

Momsie,
I can remember how it was a taboo to leave leftovers in our plate. We just had to clean up the plate and if we couldn't we either threw it over the fence into the empty plot next door or piled it up on someone else's plate (if that person was silly enough to leave his/her leftover in the kitchen). If we were caught with leftovers, we just had to eat it all up.

Well I learnt a very important lesson yesterday, "NEVER FORCE YOUR CHILD TO EAT BEFORE BEDTIME" (especially when there is nothing wrong with her). Feeling like the good mother I am, I told Idunnu it was time to eat her dinner. The young child said she wanted to sleep and not eat. Did I listen to her? No! I told her in my sternest voice "Eat your food". I even enlisted the help of my husband to make sure she cleared her plate. With both parents against her, the little one had no option than to eat everything on her plate. After bathing her, she went straight to bed (my undoing). After a few hours, we all retired for the day.

I was deep in slumberland having great adventures when suddenly I heard "grrrrr, grrrr", the sound of vomiting. Without processing the details, I jumped up, grabbed the first child I could lay my hands on and rushed her to the bathroom. It was Idunnu. Her eyes were not even opened, she was obviously still asleep. Vomit was everywhere - on the bed, on her sister, on the floor,she gave back to me everything I dished on her plate. I am grateful she didn't choke on her vomit and so glad I didn't sleep through it all. As I cleaned upwith my huband assisting me, I made up my mind, "Never again will I force her to eat, Never Again".

With Fond Memories,
Deeso Mama

Season of Harvest

Momsie,

Can you remember those days when I would insist on using your best jewelry, or tie your best headgear for an event? Some days, I would decide I wanted to share your meal with you or insist on playing games on your mobile device. There were many ways I devised to “torment” you and usually you say to me with laughter in your eyes “Omo a se be fun e.” meaning my child would do the same unto me. Well, my dearest mum, harvest time is here and I am reaping a thousand fold what I have sown.

Idunnu is four now and Dara is just two but they are already giving me a taste of my own (not bitter) medicine. In my own defense, I cannot remember “tormenting” you until I was well into my teens. Dara just loves wearing my shoes (no matter how high it is). She doesn’t even want to wait until she’s old enough to wear them. Even though I bought Idunnu her own bag and necklace, she still finds mine fascinating (Hello!!! She is just four, I did not come near yours until I was way past fourteen)! Her latest attraction is my engagement and wedding rings, it’s a good thing I don’t ever take them off. As for my tab,

Can you remember when I and my sisters would refer to you as “you wife”? “Daddy tell your wife to stop disturbing me”. “Daddy, your wife has started again oh.” I am now “your wife”. Even little Dara will say things like, “Your wife beat me” (that’s me she’s referring to). Right now my tab is no longer mine. Idunnu even cuts the line when calls come in while she’s playing her games on the tab. I used to give you back your phone when calls came in.

Enough of the ramblings. Momsie, in all honesty, I thoroughly enjoy every bit of the "torture" just like you used to enjoy ours ;-). I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t wait to start saying “Omo a se be fun e”. It’s a beautiful prayer, I think.

With Fond Memories,

Deeso Mama