Momsie,
The other day, one of the girls accidentally broke something (I can't remember what) and she asked,
"Won't you smack me?".
"Why should I smack you?", I asked.
"Because I broke it", she simply said.
My heart broke into many pieces. Since when did my daughter start expecting me to smack her for every wrong doing? I try as much as possible not to smack them and when I do, I make sure I explain why. But after that incidence, I started questioning the use of force (that's the way I see it) in correcting children. Back in them days, it was a normal thing to smack (putting it mildly) a child. I mean we used to boast (and we still do) about whose mother was stricter. We take pride in the fact that our mothers never spared the rod. Many of us (even if it is not true) think we turned out better because of the fear of our mothers' rods.
These days, I don't think that method will work. The children of these generation are more intelligent than we were (no apology to people of my generation). Some of them come out of the womb with wisdom far beyond their years. When I argue with my daughter (sometimes I allow her to plead her cause or is it case), I'm amazed at the fact that I'm talking to a 4 soon to be 5 yr old because the manner in which she presents her case belies the fact that she is that young. And I have met other kids like that. After raising my voice at her sometimes to do something I want her to do, the look on her face tells me she is just giving in because she has no choice. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
My daughter is teaching me daily that I can't afford to guess at this job of parenting or depend on the good old methods. I had to call someone whose judgement I trust a great deal to recommend books on parenting. I will forever be grateful for the book - Jesus on Parenting by Dr. Teresa Whitehurst. The book teaches parenting by drawing inferences from Jesus' lifestyle and teachings. Just thought I should mention that for the sake of parents who need direction like me.
Anyway, I have decided to leave the rod until when it is absolutely necessary especially where my first child is concerned. Now I just try to be the kind of person I want them to be leading by example and I also reason with them (Not in all cases, believe me there are times when you just have to bark out orders and explain later). Most importantly I'm studying my children, knowing what method best works for each child and when to apply it with the help of God of course. I don't think there is a one method fits all approach.
I talk to them and hope they understand even though I doubt there power of comprehension. But Samuel's mother must have taught him some things at that tender age to make him different from Eli's children regardless of the calling. Moses' mother also must have said a lot to him while she was his nurse to fan that hunger in his heart to be with his people. Words are powerful, before resorting to force, why not try using words (this requires patience).
Parenting is a broad and dynamic topic and I can't even begin to scratch the surface in this short note but I am committed to getting it right as a parent and I'll seek help from the right places (the Bible and other works of trusted fellow believers).
But I must say this, you raised me well and since you didn't fail where I was concerned, there is hope that I will succeed as a parent.
With loving memories,
Deeso Mama.
